every now and then I get lost between the blinks of my own eyes… how my mind can jump from one critical thinking after another, to pessimistic thinking that I hold as realistic as an excuse. I don’t over exaggerative, I just tend to think to over come over-thinking… but those repetitive cycles never seem to have an end. Until I close my eyes in depth and think back to the times I’ve spend with you…
how I held you closely to take naps like cats, and smell your skin from the back of your neck, and how I love and find it to be funny on how you could get so critical on the which clothes to wear to impress me, and to look superb when you are beside. On how I dabble finger on your eye brows before I kiss you on the chick, and how you walk and come to me and hug me from my back and ask me… “penny for your thought?” instead of “what are you thinking?” because you know that I keep my self secluded to just myself…
and seclusion… an old close friend another, something you’ve been helping me learn how to say good bye from, but you can’t help but to get jealous, for I seem to still have some intimate relationship with distance, self deprivation, and exile.
but gonna let you in a little secret my dear muse… that you’ve won me over, over the rest… I just… I just miss you, talking to you, bugging you, arguing, but not in the literal sense of fighting with you. I know the distance can kill us slowly, and even if I ask and enforce you to not to worry nor to miss me, that’s highly unlikely that could happen.
and that’s ok… because I know that you, I, we will endure… because when I get back and hold you in my arms, explosions of colored lights will lit the sky, people will applause, and be awed for what they will witness, stones will soften like sponges, and the coldest of the oldest ice will melt, and you my dear muse, will be held like the first time I held you, like the first time I kissed you, warm, face red, and utterly muted, and flabbergasted to just a simple smile.
I’m sorry if I haven’t written anything lately, I’ve been busy with work… and today was my only day off.
I spent time with at a “house” of a “great” friend today… we spoke about principle, views, possibilities, situations, complications, inspirations, and aspirations… and your name was brought up along those lines… and we both agreed… that you my dear muse… should stop reading this and go back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich. HA!
Love, The Photographer…
My dear Muse… you are retarded, you should have ran and gave me a kiss for one last time, since the days could possibly go for ages that has no end, I wouldn’t have minded being spoiled by the grace of your lips. I saw your car, on the end of the street, and I knew, I… knew… your eyes were dead locked on to the vehicle I was in. Staying and not moving, when you could have taken the chance to cross onto the other side of the street, and I knew that tears where rushing down on your face like an over flooding city, diminishing the lights at night…
I wish for you not to worry, but we both know that doesn’t work that way, and I would wish for you not to miss me for it will all be just just like a driving car with bright lights passing by… unnoticed and soon enough our destinations are bound to cross before you know it.
I g2g, but I’ll be soon to write again my dearest muse…
love The Photographer
Letter #3
dear photographer,
so you left today….to go make a name for yourself, to go work your ass off to get the camera you have always wanted……and im so proud of you =)
i tried not to cry in front of you today…..even though i did cry a few tears, i wanted to cry buckets of them. when you kissed me goodbye i wish i could of been engulfed by your embrace forever….. i went into my car and i had to tell every once of my being not to get out and ask you to stay…..but i wanted to get out and run to you one last time and hug and kiss you. but i didnt…..i drove away and thats when the flood of tears started….. i cried for about a good ten minutes. hard hot tears, wishing you didnt have to go. i watched you from my rearview mirror, moving down the street and turn the corner and i knew i wouldnt be able to see or touch you for a couple weeks…..
i wanna tell you about my day!!!
i bought an antique earing holder at the antique place and i helped mel cook dinner….thats about it XD i also went to target to grab some buns for dinner…… its kinda lonely here without you, i just miss holding you tight =’/
i hope you had a nice drive up to the hotel, and maybe some good bonding time with your dad? hopefully XD
when you get back i want to go to disneyland and go ice skating =D but most importantly hug and kiss you for a good day XD hopefully your hair will grow out in two weeks >.> XD
i love you so much, i cant wait to see you in two weeks
<3 the muse
number 2 =)
dear photographer,
do you have any idea how special and important you are to me? im so happy were together
so today was our aniversary, i surprised you with a red velvet cupcake and a vanilla and chocolate one ^.^ your face! it was so cute and so surprised. then you held me close like we had been apart for a year. i know that fight was bad but things needed to be said and it all worked out =)
and you know, as i think about it im so happy you came with me tonight to the party. i discovered i dont need all the attention from all the other boys and the jealousy from the girls. i was content and so happy finding you in a crowd of douche bags, coming up to you and kissing you to let them know that you are the one i hold so dear and close in my heart.
(ugh that new watch i bought keeps ticking and its annoying the crap out of me >.<)
another thing i dont miss is smoking, and kissing someone who smokes, or the smell of smoke. sure those camel menthals tasted good but i didnt like the burn and i dont miss smelling like smoke. i hope you dont miss it either because when you smoked that cig and i kissed you it brought bad alot of bad memories. i prefer the 100% original taste of your lips =D
ok my love im going to bed, i have to look pretty tomorrow for an audition =)
goodnight ^.^
the muse
The 1st letter…
my close friend, my dear, and my love… I fear, that you may have made a mistake, taking a man to love- who’s life all but a bunch of miscontrueded mistakes. I am afraid, that you didn’t really know what exactly what I meant when I said, that my head, my mind, the ways, the forks that stabs and divided the road spews ill willed matter, like diesel texture that oozes from the floor, and maggots eating and jabbing holes from within the wall trying to get out…
Though I may have attributes that you may never witnessed from another man… I worry that the consequences that I carry can leave unthinkable wounds on someone’s life’s point of view…
I love you, and I know that you love me… and when I close my eyes all I can think about are our moments of silent and still find joy without having to say another word, the jokes that no one can easy take nor understand, and eyes comfortably intimately and close just right above the other’s nose.
but do you just understand the journy that you are about to embark with me, my dear muse?…
there are things about me that I may never change, and I am sorry, I don’t think I’d want to, nor have any plans to…
I am scrambling this short letter out of whim, and short amount of rest…
and if anything… I am sorry… for the things that I’ve said last night…
and that I love you, I dearly do…
Sincerely
The Photographer
